Well, I just want to start off with a little background... Last week I got my white letter from president and it told me that most of my problems stemmed from me being prideful... So it sunk deep into my heart :) This is what happened.
My life has been changed. As I sat in retrospect about my life, I had an epiphany that I was one of the most prideful people I have known. I have been for almost my whole life as far as I can remember. There were fights between my parents and brothers because of my pride. (SO I am super sorry Mom and Dad :) and my brothers :) ) I wanted the praise of the world and nothing else. Even here in the mission. I wanted the praise of other missionaries and especially from my mission President .. I remember the MTC and just how prideful I was that I was going to be the best missionary ever. This week I have prayed with all my might to become more humble and to forgive me of that hideous hidden sin of pride in my life. The effect has been life changing. I have seen myself acting nicer to people and not be so judgmental. My problem with thoughts and wanting the attention of women has vanished. My whole view about my mission has changed. As I reflected on why I am here, I realized that I came here to be praised of the people of my ward and to show off to other people that I was going to be an RM. But this week that has changed.... I am here to serve God and God alone. I do not need any more praise than his. This week has strengthened my testimony that God does not give you spiritual gifts so you can be praised of the world, in fact that was a mockery of God on my part. Elder Carfielo has noticed that my language has improved. I thought about that and realized before I was praying for the gift of tongues to look "cool in front of other elders." I am sorry for who I was. I was a prideful person.... But I have started that mighty change not just a minor one. I thought to myself this week that being humble is super hard but its the price I must pay to be His disciple. I am going to be humble for the rest of my life because there is no other way :)
The work has been ok here. We don't have any progressing investigators. I am probably getting transferred. We will see what happens :) I love everyone and I hope all of you can have this mighty change of heart that I am having. :)
I love all of you :)
Elder Bigelow
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